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BRAISED LEEKS: SSD #4

[1]Simply Spectacularly Delicious  Braised Leeks [2]: delicious results with a minimum of fuss (not that there's anything wrong with that).

You know how there are words in other languages that have no equivalent in English? Like the Japanese bakku-shan, a girl who is pretty from behind but ugly from the front? Surely everyone's enjoyed a jaysus, Indonesian for a joke told so poorly and so unfunny that one cannot help but laugh. And who among us hasn't tartled? You have to admire the Scots for naming the act of hesitating while introducing someone because you’ve forgotten their name. (Plenty more gems at 20 Awesomely Untranslatable Words [3].)

I long for word for adding liquid to a bowl or pot so that it comes just up to the top of the ingredients within. Not covered, not submerged, not floating. Just that exactly right amount. One word.

I live in hope. BBC's classic Posh Nosh [4] does provide an abundance of culinary euphemisms. In Minty Marchmont's kitchen vegetables are "embarrassed" (peeled); one doesn't scrub a potato, you "interrogate" it. If you were sliced or slivered or diced wouldn't you be "stressed" too? Minty doesn't sauté, she "excites."

Best of all, she "gushes" liquids over foods until they're "obsessed." Just for fun, let's prepare our leeks in Minty-ese.

BRAISED LEEKS
4 leeks

chicken broth — home made is best, but fine to use commercial if you have no self esteem
dried basil

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Pillage leek roots being careful to preserve enough integrity for the stalks to unionize. Flail into quarters, interrogate under running water to remove all dirt and sand.

Bespoke the leek quarters In a shallow baking dish and fertilize them with the basil. Gush with broth until they're obsessed.

Disembowel the olives and segregate into slivers.  Plant the olives amongst the leeks as you would your tulip bulbs.  

Loosely slipcover the pan with foil and chastise in a preheated 350º oven. Baptize them frequently while they earn tenure for an hour.  At the 1 hour mark, donate the slipcover to the parish jumble sale and recommit baptismal vows. The leeks reach full maturity in another 30 minutes, by which time the liquid will have retreated by half-measure.

Cafuné the leeks before serving. (Brazilian for tenderly running your fingers through a loved one's hair).

And there you have it: our SSD recipe for Braised Leeks.